This is going to be more of my own need to just vent for a little bit, so if it's confusing, it's not your fault. It starts with a situation I see so often, and it hurts to witness it.
We all make mistakes...right? Then why and the heck are we so hard on ourselves? Seriously though. Time and time again we degrade, beat, shame, disgrace, and inwardly harm ourselves in some backwards attempt to make ourselves feel like we've paid some price for the mistakes we've made. We do something wrong , and it's an eye for eye. The problem is, when we do something wrong, the only eye left is our own and interestingly enough, we become blind to what we are really doing. I see it simply as an overpowering sense of justice we live with. We believe inside that wrongs need to payed for. Often the price we pay is taken from our sense of worth and potential. The irony is, we then reflect this same sense of justice and need for perfection upon others. Life becomes about status, judging, earning, and comparison. We start believing all things are on a vertical totem pole, where the best are at the top and we are not. We then grow weary and tired, never reaching our full "potential." I would just like to say this...this belief is dangerous.
This is my question? Do you really believe somebody else paid the price for your "wrongs?"
Well...I do, and because I do, I don't have to live in justice. I can live in mercy. Mercy brings my senses to a destination of learning. It changes my perspective from me to we. It creates compassion, understanding, and a sincere desire to get better each day. I no longer have to pay "my price" inwardly with shame and degradation, but with change and gratitude. In other words, because somebody mercifully paid the price to own my wrongs, I don't have to spend and waste my time trying to take back what He already paid for. I can change, I can learn, and I can move forward. I can then give this same mercy to others, inviting them to change and learn as well.
As for me, I choose Mercy. God Bless. You are loved.